The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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