My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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