She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
