yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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