We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
