Umm I'm too high to move.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
