i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Well I just put wine in my tea
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
