help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
