Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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