Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
