the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
