You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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