NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
