this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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