East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
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