You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
