Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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