Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
two words: eviction party
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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