do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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