Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you would pick up someone in the library
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
