Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
