You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
