...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
