You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
