Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Success! We fucked roommates!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
