I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
