can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
