she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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