this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
