i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
