so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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