You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
