Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
