i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
