I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We were destined to go to rehab together
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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