dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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