i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My balls are so social today.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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