when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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