Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
