meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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