this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
