He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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