You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
whose parrot is this?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
