too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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