i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
