I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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