i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
do nipples grow back?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
