think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
And then my night got REAL pukey
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
