had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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