is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
